Dipper and Pacifica Breakup
by angelodicielo
Summary: Over romancing a relationship can lead to bad decisions


Dipper turned over in his bed, facing the sleeping woman beside him whose hair sloppily covered her face while she slept soundly. Even in the dim light from the moon, he thought she looked beautiful and he thought about how much he loved her and everything that lead up to this. But was he really still in love? Or was it just habit at this point?

He thought about the beginning and how they hated each other, but it was from her seeking his help one night that sparked a friendship and eventually a relationship that now, 3 years later, he wasn't sure if he was just in because of habit or because he felt the same way about her a few years ago as he did now.

It was almost the same everyday with them: wake up, eat, commit to their own thing for a little bit, small talk conversations, back to their own thing, have lunch at different times, she goes for a walk, he stays home and watches tv, she comes back and they sit together, do their own thing, dinner, own thing, shower, get ready for bed, cuddle, sleep. It was a predictable loop he didn't hate so much as he just found to be so boring. It had been like that for nearly a year now. Beforehand, it was being separated for a few months and when they saw each other, they would fill up the next few weeks with talking, going out, and just generally being with each other at almost every chance. The same thing happened when they'd have to stay away from each other for weeks and now...now they see each other everyday. They ran out of things to do quickly and it eventually got to the point where something so minimal such as sex or a date at the movies was considerably exciting.

Dipper had to face facts: his spark with Pacifica was dying-probably already dead.

If this is what it was like now then where would they be years from now? In this same boring rut with the same predictable days. Would they be in their 30's and just let the years go by doing nothing and forcing conversation at times for the heck of it, maybe picking fights on purpose to rekindle a little fire again? That tactic could only work for so long before they could break up because of the stress.

Fighting is stressful, not fighting is stressful, being in a relationship in general is stressful. They just seemed too...different. In many ways. Different hobbies and interests and the comparison between the start of the relationship between now was too vast.

Dipper's mind ran with these thoughts as he looked at her. She was so unsuspecting and naive to his thought process that he felt guilty for even considering...but he had to-unless they wanted to be 38 and fighting which he, for one, didn't. He was going to have to break up with her.

The morning sun began peaking through the window and Dipper still lay awake, trying not to cry out loud the more he considered this next move. He's never broken up with someone before and certainly not someone as emotionally fragile as Pacifica. He didn't want to hurt her, but there wasn't really a good way to break up without hurting her feelings and seeing her cry or being mad. Worst case scenario: she goes on a revenge rampage and eventually ruins his life slowly but surely. Best case scenario: she agrees it's best and they live on problem free. Except Pacifica wasn't exactly a non problematic person. She wasn't going to make it easy for him, but he wasn't exactly making an easy decision.

"Good morning," she said to him when she turned over and saw him looking at her. "You're already awake?"

He smiled. "Yeah. Guess I couldn't sleep too well." He put a hand on her cheek and slowly stroked his thumb over the apple of it.

"Oh," she said with concern. "Are you okay?"

Dipper shrugged. "Yeah; just one of those nights, I guess." He lied.

 _Next she'll ask if I want breakfast_

"Do you want some breakfast?"

 _Right on cue_

"No. I just wanna cuddle a little bit."

Pacifica blinked, but agreed. "Okay."

She turned over and let Dipper spoon her from behind, taking her hand and lacing his fingers together with hers. He wrapped his arms around as tight as he could without hurting her and just let every detail about right now absorb into his memory.

"You're being really affectionate this morning," Pacifica commented. "Are you sure you're okay?"

All he could do was nodded while against her and kiss the back of her head. This was not making it any easier.

He went all day thinking about it and predicting what she was going to do next. He stayed quiet and when she asked if he was okay, all he could do was nod and wait for the right time. He felt guilty that she was so oblivious and happy and he wanted to break her heart. He was just so bored of her. Of them. Of the relationship.

Noon came around sooner than he expected and, to no surprise, she left him alone for the next 30 minutes while she took her walk around the neighborhood.

 _Okay, when she gets back, I'll say something. If I don't do it now, I'll never do it and if I never do it, we'll be fighting too much in the future. I just gotta say it: 'Pacifica, I think we need to break up' and let it go from there. But what do I say after that? I just gotta be honest with her..._

He watched the clock and mentally counted down the minutes as the half hour cut shorter and shorter

 _She'll be here in 10 minutes...7 minutes...I gotta do it...now or never...2 minutes..._

His eyes kept locked on the clock, heart beating as he knew any minute now, she'd be walking through the door. He felt his hands go clammy and body shake with anticipation the more time went on. Dipper took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down in the meantime. A little over a few minutes more than expected, Pacifica finally came home, making him jump off the couch when the click of the door lock turned, breaking the silence, and it was pushed open. She came in and smiled at him, glistening with a bit of sweat from the late spring heat of the day.

"Hey, Dipper!" she greeted.

Dipper smiled back at her, but stayed quiet. He sat down again and watched her get water from the fridge and drink it down. She glanced at him from the side while still drinking and got curious.

"Okay, what's wrong? You've been acting weird all day! Usually you're watching tv by now or playing video games or something. Have you just been sitting here for 40 minutes in the quiet?" She chuckled a little at herself, but Dipper's expression remained the same as it had been all day. He looked like someone had died. Pacifica frowned when she realized he wasn't going to react any other way.

"Dipper," she put her glass on the counter and walked over to him. "Dipper, what's wrong?"

It seemed like she had asked him that a hundred times today. He wanted to scream and get it over with. He wanted to tell her he wasn't okay and he was dumping her, but a lodge in his throat stopped his words.

"I...I..." He managed to at least squeak out a noise, but no sentences.

"Is it your parents? Or uncles? Is it _my_ parents?"

He shook his head.

Pacifica's hands instantly went to her mouth in fear of the next possible person. "Is it Mabel?"

He shook his head again, giving her some relief, but her hands shook as she reached down to grab his.

"Babe, you're making me really worried!"

Tears welled up in his eyes, escaping before he could stop them. She didn't deserve this.

"I wanna break up." He finally managed out. It was quiet, though, voice wobbly and cracking slightly as he cried.

Pacifica stared at him, trying to process the words. "What?"

 _Don't make me say it again_

"I want to break up."

This time it was spoken more clearly and she heard exactly what he said. She took her hands away from his and pushed herself back a bit in shock. Her eyes couldn't even meet his as time seemed to halt and an out-of-body experience took over. She felt wobbly and light-headed like she was going to faint or puke or both and only a shiver down her spine brought her back.

"Paz? Can you say something?"

His voice was almost too gently for the situation. Now it was Pacifica's turn to lose her voice as she felt herself on the verge of tears. She swallowed and shook her head, letting loose some tears when she blinked.

"I'm sorry-I'm really sor-"

"Why're you breaking up with me?" She demanded through her crying. "Are you cheating on me? Is there someone else?"

"What? No, there's no one else." Dipper took a deep breath through his nose as he contained himself for the sake of not having two crying people in the room. "Paz, I love you, and I wouldn't do that to you-"

"Then what is it?"

"I just think...we've grown apart."

She turned her head and stopped crying for a moment. Already her eyes were puffy and red and her state of mind was still lost.

"Grown apart? What're you talking about?"

"You really haven't noticed? We're so...boring. There's no spark anymore. And we're young so maybe we just got too serious too fast."

"Are you kidding me?" She glared at him. "You're telling me you want to break up because we're 'too serious'?"

She stood up, adverting eye contact again. She ran her fingers through her hair in disbelief at everything that seemed to be coming out of his mouth.

"We've been dating for 3 years and you're telling me we're 'too serious'?!" She was yelling now, causing Dipper to sink back slightly in his seat with shame. "What did you think would happen between us? Or are you mad you couldn't go out and screw every woman you met at a bar?"

"It's not like that-"

"You don't date someone for three years and expect them to not take it seriously!"

"Pacifica, I think you're getting the wrong idea-"

"Oh, I'm getting the wrong idea?! You're the one telling me you're dumping me because there's no 'spark'! What did you imagine? Sex everyday, go out and look for adventures, traveling the world with only the clothes on our back and a backpack of essentials? News flash: that's all fake! No real relationship is like that! Sometimes people are happy with just being with the one they love."

Her words rang with truth and Dipper found himself, again, lost for words. He just ruined a perfectly good relationship because he was too stupid to tell her "Hey, maybe we should go on a vacation" or "Hey, what if go out on a date tomorrow?". Only now did he realize anything else would've been a better idea than this. Pacifica then broke the silence for him before he could get his thoughts together.

"But I guess you weren't."

His eyes shifted from the floor he had been staring at to his gir-well ex girlfriend-walking out of the room and to the bedroom. Quickly, he followed her, hoping he wasn't too late to fix this. He stood in the doorway watching Pacifica grab his suitcase and pack it up for him.

"You wanna leave me now? Fine, here's your stuff! I don't want you staying here tonight!"

"But we're am I gonna go?"

Pacifica shrugged and bit down on her wobbling lip. "I don't know. That's your problem."

She zipped up the bag and stormed past him towards the front down.

"You're the one who wanted to leave." She opened the door and angrily threw the bag outside, waiting for Dipper to follow. He stood behind her, regretting everything that caused this. She nodded her head in the direction of the bag. "Go."

He still didn't move, feeling choked up over this reality. She really did want him to leave.

"Get out of my house!" She screamed, pulling him by the arm harshly and throwing him outside. Before he could say anything, she slammed the door in his face.

Dipper let out a heavy sigh and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He wanted to break the door down and tell her it was his apartment and she should leave-it was his money paying for the rent after all. He wanted to breakdown and beg for her back. He wanted to scream to the sky at the top of his lungs until his throat would be too sore and he couldn't speak ever again. But he couldn't do any of that because nothing would help him. He messed up big this time and he didn't know what he was thinking. The door opened again and for a brief moment, he thought Pacifica was going to tell him to come back. Instead she didn't even show her face as she tossed his keys outside, missing him and causing them to fly over the balcony.

He gave up. There was no way she was going to take him back now. All he had left to do was get in his car and hope he wouldn't get in trouble for sleeping in it.

On the other side of the door, Pacifica slid down and brought her knees to her chest. She kept quiet as she heard his footsteps walk away from the door and down to wherever he was going. Probably to his car to finally get away from her like he seemed to want to.

Chokes and sobs came back up when she was sure he was finally gone and she sat there alone, replaying the words "we just got too serious" in her mind. There was no one to cheer her up and make her feel better now. She wished he'd come back through the door, apologize and beg for her and admit he was stupid. He left her vulnerable and she hated that after giving him 3 years of her life, making something so meaningful to her, and putting effort into a relationship he declared as "boring", he was gone now and probably spent all day thinking of how to leave her. He put more effort into thinking about leaving than he did about how to fix it or talk to her.

Dipper drove through the city, thinking over what had just happened and what he had done. Pacifica was right: real relationships were just being happy with the person they loved. He was happy with her. She was so smart and brave and funny and beautiful. He couldn't have asked for a better girlfriend-he probably couldn't get a better girlfriend-than her. She was nothing but supportive towards him when he struggled with his health or school or with getting a job, it was always her who helped keep him from being too grounded.

Everyone has different things that made them happy, but that didn't mean he needed to be with someone exactly like him. They've always been different-she woke up early, he preferred sleeping in. She considered exercise as self-care, he preferred junk food and tv binges. She wore way too much perfume even if they were just going to the grocery store, he had to be reminded to shower sometimes because he just didn't care if it wasn't too bad.

Despite everything that was opposite about them, they still loved each other because they were best friends. Dipper just broke the heart of his best friend and called her boring and lacking spark and for what? To find someone who probably wouldn't mean as much to him? To try and start over with someone he'd try to love just as much, but couldn't? There was no comparison to whatever hypothetical relationship his mind tried to make. Pacifica was his best friend and his first love. Whatever kindle he thought wasn't there was actually a fire he just extinguished. He never wanted to break up with her; he wanted to be with her. He wanted to see her every morning and every night. He wanted her to be the last woman he'd ever kiss or hug. He just wanted her back.

Pacifica cried and cried until her throat ache made up for her heart ache. Even when she was done and trying to compose herself, she felt like going to her bed and sleeping, hoping to sleep for the next year, or however long it'd take to get over him, but she couldn't do that. She didn't even know if she could fall asleep at all because she was just so mad and wanted to break something. She needed someone to talk to-someone who knew more about Dipper than anyone else and how to comfort people when they're sad.

"Mabel," she choked out when her friend answered her phone.

"Hey, Pacifica!" She greeted. But she knew there was something wrong in her tone and this call was going to get serious. "What's wrong?"

Pacifica moved the phone away from her face, hoping she couldn't her the shaky breath she took in before speaking.

"Dipper and I broke up."

Mabel gasped. "No! Why? What happened?"

"He said"-she sniffled-"he said there wasn't a spark and we were too boring."

"That jerk face...jerky...jerkson!" Mabel yelled. Pacifica smiled slightly over her friend's forced censorship. "He's so stupid! Why does that even mean? You two are perfect for each other-and believe me, I know a perfect couple when I see one!"

"I don't know. I just came back home and he told me we should break up. I don't know why. Do you think there's someone else?"

"Did you ask him?"

"Yeah, but he said there wasn't. I don't believe him, though. He's stupid, but not this stupid...I hope."

"No, he is. Believe me; he's always been horrible at talking to girls so I doubt he actually got with someone else. And even if he did, that makes him extra stupid if he thinks he's gonna do better than you."

Pacifica smiled again. "Thanks. I just...I just feel so bad. Like it's my fault or something."

"Pfft! No way! You might be a bit more straight edge than him, but he knew that. I don't know what he's thinking. Probably just weird man hormones."

"Mabel," Pacifica sniffled and sighed. "It think it's permanent."

Later that evening, after a long conversation with Mabel saying she'll talk to her brother and find out what's going on, Pacifica got started on her dinner. Out of habit, she almost asked Dipper what he wanted and even after realizing she wouldn't be answered, she started making a dish they both would like, cutting away at the tomatoes to be roasted. As the knife sliced through the fruit, her mind tried to stay off Dipper and the progress of the day from what would be their last time cuddling to his face before she slammed the door on him.

She sat and ate alone, glancing up every once in a while at what use to be his seat at the table, across from her. She found herself compelled to start conversation and ask for the salt or pepper during dinner as well, but soon eventually she gave up eating all together when she couldn't stomach down more than two bites and decided that the day had been too long now and she wanted to go to bed.

A bath was drawn to help relax her, but it felt more like she was stewing herself in a humid hell which was anything but relaxing when she saw the things Dipper left behind everywhere around the house. She felt like it was more his than hers now that she paid attention.

Hours afterwards, she still wasn't relaxed or distracted from her ex. She was simply heartbroken and exhausted, but unable to sleep. Pacifica threw back her covers and went out in the living room for the first time that day since getting dumped and sat on the couch. In a weird way, she felt like Dipper's presence was still there in the room, like a ghost haunting her. She turned on the tv hoping for a real distraction, but was immediately shown one of Dipper's favorite shows, Ghost Hunters. She didn't really care too much for it considering her own ghost hunting experience, but the weak suspense would at least keep her mind occupied until she was finally tired.

Midnight came and she still kept watching without feel tired. She surrounded herself with comfort food, stuffing her face with chips and ice cream even when she started feeling sick. She finally stopped eating and curled under a blanket ready to fall asleep until the turning of the door handle caught her attention. She immediately sat up and muted the tv, waiting for the strangers next move, heart beating and hoping it wasn't a break in.

The door swung up and Dipper walked in, seeing Pacifica and all her glory on the couch in the dark. He kept eye contact with her, not saying anything until he was ready.

"What're you doing here?" She asked in a tone that sounded more angry than genuinely curious.

"I, um," he thought for a moment. "I..."

"I told you: you aren't staying here." She turned off the tv and started towards her room.

Dipper followed her, trying to apologize. "No, no, I know, but Paz...Paz please stop!"

"No!" She yelled, stopping him in his tracks before he could enter the room with her. "If you need to grab something, grab it and leave!"

"Pacifica, I messed up really bad, but I did some thinking."

Pacifica rolled her eyes, but listened anyway.

"You were right. I was already happy with what we had and I don't know where it came from that I wanted more." He went over to her and got down on one knee, taking her hand. "But I swear, I didn't mean it. Pacifica, I love you so much and you're my best friend. I don't want to be without you and everything I said earlier was the worst mistake I ever made. I want you back and for everything to go back to normal. I want you to marry me."

Tears filled her eyes again, but not from happiness like he suspected. She tore her hand away from his grasp and put it behind her back, keeping him from trying to reach it again.

"Please tell me you aren't actually doing this! You think I'm just gonna take you back like that? Dipper, you acted like a real jerk and I don't wanna marry you just because you're sorry now!"

"But I love you!"

"I don't care! I love you, too-very much actually! But you broke up with me because you said you were bored and there was no spark and didn't even think to talk to me about it! You made a rash decision and you're doing it again! I don't want to marry you unless you really mean it!"

"But I do mean it!"

"No you don't! You think you do, but you're acting stupid. If I say yes, then who's to say you won't change your mind next week or even tomorrow morning!"

Dipper opened his mouth to say something, but stopped realizing he didn't know what to say. He looked down at his feet and shuffled them shamefully. Pacifica looked at him with pity, trying hard not to cry again for what would've been the sixth time that day. A pillow unexpectedly hit Dipper's head, breaking him of whatever thoughts came to his head and he looked at her.

"You can sleep on the couch, but I don't want you in here tonight. I don't want you to kiss me or hug me in the morning either." She threw back her sheets and climbed in bed. "Maybe we'll talk tomorrow, but I can't do that right now. Turn off the light before you leave, please."

Dipper nodded and silently left, flicking the light switch so Pacifica could fall asleep in a dark room. Carefully, he walked through the equally dark apartment and found the couch. Nothing about the day happened like he thought it would, but at least he wasn't kicked outside anymore and maybe tomorrow would bring potential to reviving his relationship and that alone was enough to comfort him to sleep with a smile.


End file.
